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Lee's Story

I met my abuser at the end of 9th grade when I was 14. He was a substitute right out of college and the following yrhe returned as a full-timer. My school was grade 6-12 and he was in the junior high section which was divided off. Yet. I ended up with a study hall down in that wing. My study hall teacher was young also and my abuser would step over from the study hall he monitored at the same time and the two of them would have discussions about Vietnam as it unfolded. They were very worried about being drafted since both of them had aspirations to continue their educations. They were handsome and fun and so full of life. They involved me and a few others in their discussions and made us feel so adult with the way they took in our thoughts and opinions. I was infatuated.

Then one day he made a comment in the hall to another teacher about how pretty I was. My heart skipped a beat. Pretty soon I was seeking out his compliments and fantasizing about him. To shorten the story, we got thrown together more and more in situations and he eventually gave me a lift home that ended in us parking somewhere, kissing and talking about meeting secretly. He impressed the secrecy part on me told me what statuatory rape was. I though this was a love affair and that I was the luckiest person on earth. I sneaked around and lied to my family and friends for years. I had no idea what a toll that would take on me. I knew it wasn't right and yet I thought we were an exception to the rule. I put myself in danger to meet him and he never cared. I'm sure I was more obvious than I believed and eventually my father caught us coming out of his apartment. We had to meet with the school superintendent and for some odd reason we didn't meet at the school office but at the guy's house. My mother bowed out of coming and the guy's wife wasn't home so it was me, my Dad, the abuser and the superintendent. The teacher and I had already been on the phone and decided what we would say so our stories would be in sync. We denied all sexual contact and said we had a friendship and that I was helping him by typing letters to graduate schools for him (I did). My dad and the super wanted to believe us and avoid a scandal so they told us to stay away from each other or the teacher would be fired.

After that we were sneakier. By the time I graduated high school I think we were sloppy and my father suspected again but everyone just kept quiet and I graduated. The teacher had led me to believe he was going to grad school in a state I'll call Kentucky. So I applied to college there and was accepted. When I got there he had tricked me and was in California!! That was the beginning of the end and I was so attached to him that I didn't even get it. (In fact I took a bus to surprise him that first Thanksgiving---a zillion miles and creepy bus depots later he dumps me big time and puts me on a bus back to my home state) I was a basket case my whole freshman year and ended up making quite a mess of my life. I still didn't realize I had been manipulated by this man. I still thought he cared for me all that time. I didn't realize until much later that

he had some sexual dysfunctions and perversions because I had nothing to compare him to and I thought all relationships had their good and bad days.

He became an attorney and is now a judge. He sits on juvenile court!! Ugh. Even my family minister tried to reunite us once because the teacher got to him ahead of me and used his charisma to distort reality to this man (the minister). My parents thought he was a real catch too once he got out of grad school. All the women in town fixed him up with their daughters...just handed them over on a silver platter...still do I bet. He had everyone snowed and I didn't have a chance of being believed. Also, because I invited his advances I was sure I would be considered the seductress-the evil Eve who got us all thrown out of paradise. I've never told my parents the whole truth to this day. My father is such a fundamentalist Christian that I don't think he can understand. Yet, as the OJ, Bill Clinton, now Gary Condit stuff comes up I see glimmers of hope that he might be changed. (My parents are 80 now) At any rate--you know there are complex layers with this stuff and this is getting LONG. I was married with 3 little babies before I began raging inside and I didn't understand the rage. I saw a speaker on abuse who listed the myths. One of the myths is that it has to be violent and feel bad like a forced hostile rape. But that is not true. I consulted with the speaker for several years and began to understand what had happened. Sex is the least of it!! It is what it does to your mind and heart.

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